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Never Going Home

from Western Reserve by Howard Simon

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lyrics

Never Going Home

Mom took out a loan from her pension
Dad took extra shifts on the floor
Sacrifices too many to mention
And I’d pay them back, I swore

And I did – I made Alpha Omega
Did pediatrics at UCSF
They visited my flat on Ortega
When I left for Mali with MSF

But Dad told me the one thing he prayed for
Was I’d come to work close by
He figured that’s what they paid for
But there’s just so much tuition can buy

And I have good work at Brigham and Women’s
And I’m happy that my life is my own
And no matter how much I love them
I am never, never ever ever going home

I was working the ward the morning
I got the call that my brother was dead
An IED with no warning
Shrapnel through the back of his head

Mom at the funeral crying
Dad’s back as straight as a rod
Trying and failing and trying
To make their peace with God

And then her cancer struck like lightning
Too fast to comprehend
Relentless and endlessly frightening
Six months from beginning to end

And I do good work at Brigham and Women’s
And I’m content to be living alone
And no matter how much I love him
I am never, never ever going home

Can anybody out there show us
What we owe in exchange for our days?
When they need us but they no longer know us
Can we make peace with the parting of ways?

I call Dad every Sunday
And we dance our weekly dance:
“Looking forward to seeing you someday”
“I’ll come and visit when I have the chance”

I think he’s proud of all my achievements
And proud that I share his name
But in that house built of stone and bereavements
I think he hates me just the same

And I do good work at Brigham and Women’s
And I’ve earned everything that I own
But no matter how much I love him
I am never, never ever ever going home

credits

from Western Reserve, released August 22, 2020
Howard Simon: vocal
Libby McLaren: backing vocals
Jaimie Bianchi: tambourine
Derek Bianchi: everything else

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Howard Simon San Francisco, California

I am a San Francisco-based singer-songwriter. My songs are about love (romantic and otherwise), family, morality and mortality. If there is a common thread to my songs, it is the people we love, the desire to do right, and the hope and fear, the peace and the struggle that constitute life bring wonder in addition to its joy and sadness, and sometimes loss. ... more

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